No, I told myself, I cannot watch Celebrity Circus. So I put on the local news instead, thinking surely it would be more edifying. A woman is reviewing tacky glass globes with long tubes that you fill with water and insert in the soil of your home potted plants so that you don’t have to worry about watering them (they’re not really worth it, apparently).
If I were in charge, the local news would be 15 minutes long. They’d read headlines, do the weather, and run through the sports scores. They would not put the mother of a kidnapped and recently returned baby on camera to say that she’s learned a lesson—never to let someone else take her baby to the store. They would not ooh and aww over the story, read aloud, of a local couple about to be married, how they fell in love and came to be engaged. And they would not “banter.”